Sunday, February 22, 2009
Hello Sada Vi Le Lo...
MY new job is a job that everyone dreams to have... Or at least the people around me.
Life is so different for the past 3 months especially, since my dad got ill. He's suffering from Wegener's Granulatomosis. And when i say Suffering, he really is SUFFERING from it... The effect of the medication and the illness itself is shocking. The ageing in his skin, the lack of strength and energy in his action and movements. And a father whom i never expects i would see...
Since i was 9 years old, i gotten used to coming hm to a pretty much empty house... With radio, TV as my company... Afterwhich, i stayed in NTU hostel for like 3 years, for which the times when i came home... It was more of like a break for me... My family grew apart, in some ways when my grandmother passed away few years back...
With the illness that my father is having, it seems overwhelming sometimes to have so many people at my place, hanging around, visiting and cooking etc etc...
Somehow or another, i thinki've slowly gotten used to it...
My work is great despite the hiccups that i encounter once a while. I still think i should be thankful to him who gave me a chance.
He gave me more than just a job. He taught me a lot, directly or indirectly allowing me to learn, love and experience things which i don't know if i could without his presence.
I made a big investment on a DSLR recently and am having fun with it...
Recently, i spend a lot of time crying... whailing out to people... like Shun, Fei, Stephanie and others... People grew apart often due to relationships, work etc... I guess i'm one of them. But i regret for all the special bonds that were present previously and seems to be missing now...
People all grow up, and people always live for themselves. I live for myself many times, but for some situation, i'm pushed around too much. Often when told to friends who cared about me... I get whacked:"why can't u just protect urself." " I'm worried for you, if u always get pushed around like that!" are just some of the common phrases people say to me...
I am a very big emotional sponge, and i think what Mr. M.D says about me is right... That i've done better than what others could if in my current situation. If he had know the entire situation, i guess... I'd be his idol...
Indeed, i feel that in many cases, i've done better than what others had. It was tough, each and everytime things happened and pass by, i cry and wail and yell and hit people... But i always will hold through all troubles and worries... Well, that's me. If you know me well enough, i tear so much each and everyday, but i do understand that whatever don't kill me, does make ms so so so so much stronger.
Anyway, I've said this so many times and i will keep saying this... Until, i can live like days, months and years of my life feeling satisfied internally. When i say this... I'm just looking for times when the net emotion each day is +ve. And i can smile to sleep everyday... Wake up looking forward to happy times ahead...
Smile my dear friends!
~AuRo`Na~
Sunday, February 22, 2009