Since 8th May... My life changed so much...
To someone i feel so unsure of...
Is this the real me? Is this what is not me?
I am so difficult to understand these days...
I have the bestest job i can ever thought of having, cool, funky colleagues... Colleagues more sporting than others...
Today, i had interaction with my boss, he's still sweet to me...
S. came online today, just to say hi to me... And apologised saying, she's sorry that she hasn't been spending enough time for me... Asked me for a dinner with vendor...
KT asked me out for coffee... Only today, it's not convenient for me to have coffee... I made him mocha (gao gao ) instead...
KH called me a sweetie and asked me to go for drinking session tonight...
Steph is a good buddy... nice to bitch with... and she still owe me a dinner... haha...
I had lunch with mt. costing 65 just for 2 main course...
An ex-student's mum dropped me msg, saying she's glad to hear from me for Diwali, and said, they miss me a lot, hope to hear from me. So i offered to help Shar with tuition once again...
C is so nice, he is bringing me for Halloween this friday... he had been very nice to me, since we started contacting like 2 months back. I wonder if he's pitying me as well... Feeling that i feel somewhat maybe empty inside?!
K. bought me a CD.
Quek listened to me telling her about 1 sad month in my life... following the crying... then stop crying...
Denise listens to my complain all the time... hang out with me whenever we can...
Fei-jie, though sometimes i get rude to her... She's been very forgiving... thinking that.. I'm just her xiao-meimei and forgives me for all that i say.. and all that i do...
Shunz... listen to my.. "aye.. i damn sianz..."
I had my company DnD, and i won the best dress... People see me and regard me as high potential in office... Some welcome me, some are so happy to see me.
Some Nepalese guy seems to like me, msged smth like 'miss u'... I dare not even reply...
I'm waiting for YF to send me a postcard... I wonder if he forgot about it, or is it going to take too long... Coming from China or Sweden... Hm...
I'm going back to learning my bike... Next lesson is scheduled on 2nd Nov afternoon...
Brother's wedding is soon... next friday... I'll be on leave... The biggest thing at Limster for don't know how many years...
Last week, got the 1st taste of how it feels when pple ask me to get married... Might be just a casual remark. But i just know it will never be soon...
In September, there was this period of time... Every morning i woke up with a sigh... Thinking why is there a need to live.
We're just a shell, and i've lost my soul...
I can't understand how people find so much meaning in living.
Don't they know that no one's indispensible in this world.
The world will go on... regardless of who's absence or presence...
Yes... Some people make a difference, make a change... Yet there are also many thing that doesn't actually even need a change... So, why change...
Why your presence that make such changes... That is actually no change... Things remain in status quo, though the rationale behind it is different... Yet, what's the use of such rationale when nothing can be done...
Everyday, we are just waiting for some meaning to come. But when it comes... u realise that, it's not for u to own that meaning... To own that life, what would u do?
These few months has been very emotional for me... Having been in relationships for over the past 8-9 years, and suddenly being single once again... I start keeping things in myself again, because i'm so used to sharing everything with my significant other.
My trusted one... where is he? when is he coming to me? is he even there for me?
I'm not desperate for a partner. Just that when i looked back, life seems so much easier, simpler all because of the presence of someone. Doesn't even necessarily be a special one, doesn't even need to be someone u love deeply. But it was so much easier. No matter how much it seems like u don't want to marry that person. It's as though everyday, u r working to plan for something in the future, better ahead... Need not be a family, need not be a home... But there's just someone to lean on when u feel really down...
Now. Me. I'm expected to understand. Expected to tolerate. Expected to be nice. Expected to know how. Expected to do everything. Just because i look like i'm strong, super career minded... doesn't mean i'm made of metal. I have emotions too...
Enqi said... "U look like u don't need a man..." Should i feel good about that?
A. said... " You've changed so much. When i first met you, you look like someone who will not fall in love. I thought, wow, this girl is so professional!"
A. said... " Beauty, Brain, Bitch"
The world is so messy these days... There's an article " Lust @ lunch" in the women's weekly magazine... Read it if u can... Think about the faith when it comes to marriage....
My ideal, marry a man say.... ard... 42... he has everything, no need to think about car, house, career etc... No hassle, of going thru things like, how much for apartment down payment. 20 yrs later, he's 62, i'm 43. Still alright.. Chilren ard 17 yr old... When he's 70, can start taking care of him... And by then my child around 25... I'm ard 50... And then... when he dies... i'll focus on career... holiday.. else grandchildren... With his insurance money and saving, i'll have a good life... If good, i might still be able to get good companion... What a life...
I'm very bad at expressing myself, even not go for a wake... because i do not know what to say... I never really know how to make pple feel that i love them except for trying to do the right things... alamak.. i'm not even making sense here...
I have a very weird feeling anyway, seems like something might be happening soon... Don't ask me wat... but like there's something coming up... We shall see...
My life... no excitement for the next few years... It will all be about work... and people whom i go out with, drink with, eat with, work with... what else... No marriage... no love... no children... not at the moment for me...
I'll be 24 next year... 2 dozens, 3 eights, 4 sixes, 5 four-point-eight, and 6 fours... What will i do on my birthday... I think it's a wednesday... Not a very exciting for anything to happen...
I'm just a simple girl, simple person. What to expect... No special person to give me flower... not on valentine's... not on my birthday...
What about Christmas this year? No more earrings in Chocolates... No more romantic dinners... No more JB shopping... No more so many things...
I don't need a boyfriend. I need a specific aim/ meaning/goal... Like, i want to be XXX in XX company by Xyrs that kinda thing.. But i know.. nothing can satisfy me... nothing will make me feel really OMPH! to work hard...
At the end of each day... We just want to be happy...
That's why we seek ways and means to try to get what we want...
Some of us get happy by gaining power, so we climb up the ladder...
Some of us get happy by having more money, so we increase our sales...
Some of us get happy by having sex, so we go around screwing people...
some of us get happy by looking pretty, we end up going for so many enhancements and surgery...
Perhaps, those are our insecurities...
The lousier u are, the more you want to be on the top...
The richer u are, the more you think u are not as rich as XXX...
The less potent you are, the more you want to prove your worthiness...
The prettier you are, the more you are afraid to look ugly...
My my.... i can really talk crap...
Till then....
~AuRo`Na~
Wednesday, October 29, 2008