Tuesday, January 09, 2007
Tonight I had some conflict with Ken again.. Well well.. What's new? It happens all the time.. This time.. It's about his smoking…
I don't like him to smoke.. I don't want him to smoke.. And I'm an extremist… When I can't tolerate anything… I can't.. So.. After some unhappiness, he sent me this msg… " I love you babe… Pls, make it easier for me, cuz I've been trying hard too.. In many situations where I'm at hundred and you at zero…(let's not talk about what's right or wrong) I already give in till twenty for you… But you still unhappy about it… Why can't u move to eighty for me? Dun push things too hard…"
Well, for your information.. The issue about smoking had been going on for the past 3 months I suppose.. And everytime it ended up an issue that is resolved late in the night and losing sleep… He tells me that he will not smoke again.. But then once and again he did… I admit that I'm too strong headed and I just want him to stop smoking.. But I feel that I should do so.. It's not about feeling or what… or being very 'ren xing' but rather sometimes.. Fact are just facts and promises are meant to be kept… And with him breaking promises once and again, it hurt me.. And make me disappointed… then I got unhappy.. He'll then tell me not to be unhappy… and I'll question why ask me to not be unhappy when he's the one who do it first…
He says he find joy in smoking… and asked me to talk to my dad and ask him why can't he quit.. Then I questioned him back and ask him why not ask his dad why he quitted smoking…
Anyway, shortly after his msg, I replied him with this…
" If I'm in the wrong I have nothing to say and if that's the situation, I'm a bitch if I don't give u a hundred. But considering our age gap and lifestyle… I want you to live long and well… Many times, it's not the doing of the action… But the temptation n actions of what a man u are made up of that makes me upset… U upset me by taking the first step to a continuation on the very first day of work *because he say.. It's the first day.. His colleague ask so he smoked.. Damn rubbish!!* N giving a reason for your doin.N hence reasons to follow up… U know it deep in you that it need not be done… U really hurt me.. U made me beseech u but to no avail… U gave me a solid promise then made it vanish… U wasted my tears when I want nothing else but goodness for you… But once and again, u do it for a moment of happiness… I do not give u 80 because u are capable of more than a thousand… So why should I encourage your belittling of oneself? "
Anyway.. We somehow got things solved last night… with the driving issue… Not that I don't like him to drive.. But he don't drive well… and he had an accident.. And my purpose is not to stop him from driving.. But to curb that ego of his that always feels he's a great man.. And can always do things so well.. I hate ego man.. Heh...
~AuRo`Na~
Tuesday, January 09, 2007