AsPire To InSpiRe... BefoRe U eXpire...

2nd year anniversary

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

I was logging in.. and as far as i could remember, the last time i saw the number of entry in my blog. It was only 141! now it's 220+. WOW! heh... see my failing memory is acting on me...

Anyway... I feel that tonight is a freaky night. I was watching TV, and there was this pilot show that shows every weekday night from 10-11pm at channel U. If u all caught that episode. Yishan was so upset over yunzhi's death that she hallucinated that Yunzhi was around the house. Before that, on my way home, i thought i should take a break from Ken, for many reasons...

There was a direct bus from AMK back hm, but instead the other bus can first and i took it to transfer bus in front of Bowen Secondary School. There was this very big 'death note' that talk about how people will wish to die at hm and that they provided that service. U can check it out at the hospice website. I took a photo of the note and i took time to finish reading the whole passage. I felt soothing after that.

I don't know why, but i felt uneasy after watching the tv show, i didn't get to hear from Ken more about 5 hours. And i don't know why but i got worried... I decided to pop by at his place. As i walked down... along this path that leads to the carpark. I smelt Dunhill man fragrance... The fragrance that my brother has been using and now it became one that Ken is also using. I felt freaked out and especially worried that something might have happened to Ken... I walked fast and got more worried. Reaching his house then i found out that he wasn't home the whole night...

Well, my supposed reason was to take my laptop... and stuffs.. and so i did. As i was picking up my stuffs, his mum came to asked if i needed a bag. So i thought yeah a bag is good and i don't need her to give me some plastic bag cos Ken has some nice paper bags and stuffs in his drawer. And so i decided to take them myself.

I open the drawer and was searching for the bags and i saw this very long transparent container with many stars in it... I remembered once Ken told me what ZX had given him for present and i remember that was one of those. And as much as my memory can afford to store, i remember that he said he had dumped everything from her away. I took up some of the paper bags and i saw more items... and one of it say" 2nd year anniversary". It was the first half of the year that Ken told me ZX wants to meet to pass him things that he had given her as she doesnt' wanna have any memory of them anymore... And Ken once told me that he had thrown them all away...

But why are they still there?

I have no doubts about how nice Ken has been to me.

But that doesn't mean that i can't feel uneasy. And i feel upset and uneasy for some reasons that i cannot express. I feel that i need time alone, time away from him. I think i need time alone to sort out certain thoughts and emotions... I'm not sure if i should ignore his call or just tell him that i need time or just leave things as they are and find time on my own... I shall think about it...

~AuRo`Na~
Wednesday, December 27, 2006