when you are in different phase of your life with your partner. You think differently, you behave differently, you want different things...
I had been sick these few days... Even a normal friend tongkuan called me last night to ask if i'm ok... and had been very willing to help in whatever thing i needed...
I went back home on monday.. all cause i'm more willing to do things for ken nowadays... cos i love him more... Sometimes i felt he was being selfish... well, maybe because i always do not give in... so when there is a chance that he can be selfish then he just give it all out...
Then came tuesday... i was busy... and was rushing around the whole day... now i'm sicker... i had fever last night... i didn't go to school because i was emotionally unstable as well...
Why.. because, ken wasn't there when i need him... Not even a simple phone call... He was out with his friend. i don't know which friend. i don't bother to know... i just know that he was having fun.. socialising the was he wanted to... cos i have no time for him anymore...
What upsets me is... Why is it that whenever my boyfriend is sick... i was always there... even when ken is sick... he was at my place resting... a few weeks back.. and months back when he wasn't even my boyfriend... and he was at my hall.. he was sick.. fever... so hot.. i took care of him the whole night... and i was worried.. had to keep checking on him...
Yes... i may not be that sick.. but why is it that whenever i'm sick.. my boyfriend are not with me... it was like that when it was with CK... now... i'm sick... and Ken's not even around...
To think yesterday, i was worried that his tuition student kept him there and out of concern i called him to se if he's ready to go hm to rest early... He's already with some friends... out.. socialising or meeting up... Not even replying the msgs that i sent... i still thought that he was busy with tuition... Hate this kind when i'm trying to be considerate... then all i know is that he wasn't even busy... he was relaxing away.... I don't know.. i don't like that feeling...
I'm sure he know that feeling better than i do.. having not been reciprocated for more than 4/5 months....in the beginning of the year...
I'm not angry.... i don't normally stay angry for too long... Like what a friend of mine said... i'm diverting the blame all on myself... Now i don't like the way i can't understand that he need to socialise... i don't understand the need for him to be free...
I think i suck sometimes... but... then again... I thought i will be well taken care of... but where's ken? when i needed him? I don't normally need a guy... but where's he when i needed him..
~AuRo`Na~
Wednesday, September 13, 2006