i was talking to ken yesterday, then i realise that he has the same sentiments as me...
The confusing relationship that we are having...
Some people sees as as a couple.. some people think that we are together already..
But we are not officially together yet... or we were once together.. then we broke up.. cos i thought i still have some CK in me...
On saturday evening... Ck drop by to teach me analog electronics... When i was with him.. i felt that there was just a platonic relationship..
Then i realise that his msgs come none stop and i thought it must be a girl.. otherwise he won't be so attentive... And then i felt sad... i felt that i will no longer have him in my life again... After he left.. i went to ken's place to give ken a gift...
Cos he bought me a fragrance... escada... rockin'rio... He has been doing a lot of things for me. including my birthday.. so... i bought his something he like too... Armani fragrance...
On sunday... Ken and i had dinner together.. and we spent our time together like we are a couple...
We approached an issue that day.. and realise that... yes.. we are indeed confuse... and we realise that... we are in a dilemma... And it seems that we have a kinda sibling relationship and love bgr thingy going on...
He feels that there's a 80%love, 20% siblings kinda thing... for me.. it's fluctuating throughout the day... and it's more on the sibling relationship side... thought i don't love him, i'm afraid that he'll leave me....
It seems that away from all our friends, i feel and he does too feel like we are siblings... In front of my friends, when i don't throw tantrum, he feels that i'm like his gf...
Today... CK called to ask if he still have clothes with me... and as he was hanging up... he said" u go get busy.. since u have people with u". He mistook the TV for people being in my room... At this instance... i immediately explained myself...
Today... Ken wants to come NTU to have dinner for me.. but i kept rejecting him.. till it becomes that he will buy and deliver dinner to me... I yearn for my own space.. and i want my solitude...
What am i thinking... Who do i love... Ken deserves more... as my earlier blog says.. .he loves me enough for me to do more...
I don't want to lose him.. but yet, in me.. i do realise that.. there's more of liking for him than i have for CK.. but i do have that chemistry for CK, which seems to not be there.. not too much for Ken...
i think it's so sucky... hm...
~AuRo`Na~
Monday, March 27, 2006