My love has yet to die.. perhaps... the emotions that has all along been directed to him is over... but i realise that.. sometime.. many things have different sides...
My love for him might not be there.. but the love.. that very strong love that once existed is still around.. and it's still haunting me...
Indeed, i may love ken.. and there are many things that i'm willing ot do for him... But i should say that the love i have for him.. is far far.. way lesser than what i used to have for CK.. and for now... what is left persisting still is greater than the love for Ken... So sad to say this....
Ken deserves better...
Yesterday night before i fall alseep... i thought of all the memories i had with him.. and i do know that... i miss those times.. there were just too many good times that we had and yeap... in a way.. i 'kan bu kai'...
I have such strong believes tat if one can forget things easily... then... life would be easy... why can people let go of a relationship.. or rather not relationship. but an emotions.. a feeling.. an attachment so easily...
After all, it's easier to lie to others than to lie to yourself ba...
Yeap... because of such strong beliefs... it irritates me when i view at Ken's testimonials which say how good he n ZX are a model couple and things like that.... I don't like the way Ck gets to involved into msging when he's with me.. i seem to get paranoid when he's like msging none stop... (jsut like in the past)...
Because of ken n zx... i chose to not talk to him for a day.. I think he'll never like me as much..
I think the relationship i have with him will not be comparable to that he has with zx.. and because of my competitive nature and character... i always like to give up on things which i have no rights on... no possesion... no say... Sometimes, i know how paranoid i can be.. and how i can be so bothered about things like that.. that.. i just don't want to be with ken.. around ken.. and watever crap...
ok.. back to last night.. i dreamt of Ck.... o hyeah.. on tuesday night, i had a sucky dream.. can't tell u people what dream i have.. but it suck so much.. it made my whole of yesterday too sucky to be true.. feeling nausea all day wtf...
yeah.. Ck... anyway, o u get me when i say.. i no longer loves him.. but that love does exist?! okok... that strong loves sometimes makes me find it hard to go and love someone else... hm.. not too sure if it's good to knwo that i have the capability to love someone so much or bad.. that argh.... i can't love someone as much.. unless i love that person more!!
ok.. that's my thoughts for now... see ya...
~AuRo`Na~
Thursday, March 30, 2006