today... hot stuffy noon.. so unbearable...
i skipped all my lessons... just to slack.. do some stuffs...
i had been hanging out with Ken so often.. and be on such good terms with ken that's i'm in such a blurred situation...
Told him a week or two ago.. that yes.. i'll be his girlfriend... but NOT YET...
On my right hand, i wear the ring that he gave to me on my birthday...
In it... engraved: K & E
A Tiffany & Co. ring indeed, one simple plain ring that looks nothing fasination... with a small diamond on it.. sparkle with dispersion of light under the sunlight... It gives colours like purple.. blue and red... IT cost, US $500, as seen on the email advertisement.
All these while... i'm so stucked to him.. emotionally and phsically... he's around me all the time... When i'm in NTU, he's here... when i'm t hm.. he's around me too... Meeting me after i teach tuition.. after i teach piano... and wherever i go to...
He make effort to come look for me... i wonder if i'm one living in luxury wihtout the knowledge and feeling that i'm actually in one...
Am i taking him for granted?!
i don't want to say that i'm his girlfriend becauause i feel so free now... that i feel that i finally lead my own life... Ken indeed is one guy who dote on me a lot... giving in to me a lot... and tolerating me a lot... He doeo a lot of things for me... and is of course admirable by many of my gf's for all those things that he did... So am i touched too...
I'll be meeting CK this weekend... he'll be teaching me analog electronics... And Ken isn't too happy about it... I do understand why... but can't really accept it... Since i have yet to agree to be entirely yours... And i want my freedom...
I don't feel for CK as much already... ain't i glad for myself...
Besides the part about feelings and emotions...
I am skeptical about the future with him... Especially about the transition for Ken to be a Graduate and soon be a working personnel...
I'm unsure abouthim goin to work.. about life after that... about the work that he will be working... How successful he will be...
He is indeed a smart man...
And i think i'm beginning to get back to myself.. to not trust my bf so much...
So... i doubt... so i'm unsure.. and so i'm uncertain...
I need to straighten out my thoughts.. and feelings... i don't want to lose then realise that it's too late... I wanna love people better.. i wanna love KEn better.. cos i think he deserve it.. And because he loves me.. if i love him well enough... i will get nothing.. but more LOVE from him...
Because he doesn't treat me bad... he doesn't treat me like the way those people used to do so...
~AuRo`Na~
Thursday, March 23, 2006