AsPire To InSpiRe... BefoRe U eXpire...

friday the 13th...

Saturday, January 14, 2006

It was what kids do in the past to be pretty concious about things that happen on friday the 13th...

But as u grow older. u realise that those are just crap.. and the more you think about things that may happen.. the more bad things will.... hahaah...

ok...

So... yesterday.. i was in a very bad state of mind... and.. i have to gice Chris jie jie credit for saying this to me... "Elena, seriously speaking, we are all sick of your BGR problems and we have been wondering...." (though i know they are sick of it.. they didn't say it out.. till yest...)

i was indeed a little hurt.. but sometimes truth hurts la... what to do..
I was in a very bad dilemma yesterday night because i got to know that CK cried when he read the things that i gave him.... When i know that. i felt hurt and i felt bad to have left him.. the feeling of wanting to be with him got back to me.. all at one shot.. and i was about to want to leave Ken...

Then i thought i want to talk to ken.. cos he has always been the nice guy for as long as i'm being happy for the past 1 whole month.. And again.. he's nice and patient to me lor... very nice to me... And i'm grateful...

Finally yesterday night i spent the time having some food with shunz... and helping him iron some clothes.. and haveing a full night of emotional conversation with Ken... *hugz*

today came.. and i was awaken once by CK... asking when my lessons ending and stuffs.. i suppose he want to meet me and he misses me...

By noon i was out to IKEA with ken... Ken bought a quilt.. and a quilt cover of my preference because there was once i nap at his place and it felt so cold i had to take his jacket to cover myself... and hence he decided to get a quilt for me! *touched*

he sent me back to NTU and then went hm... and then came my karate training....
It felt totally natural during the training.. like in the past whenever i had training with CK... it was totally fun and enjoyable... I have to admit that he's always the one who's the more man n hunky n 'meng' during training.. and will outshine all the other guys in the karate club kind... But lucky today.. there was jeremy, the VP of the club.. whom i think he looks like my cousin Isaac... Whom i think is cute.. so, instead, my attention was diverted to him.. and yeah.. i admire him more than i admire Ck... but... *sorry* to ck.. cos. i didn't cut my nails and i scratched him so hard on the neck that it left him streaks of red nails marking... opps... so poor thing....

end of karate training, Ck thought that i had to go hm and was asking if i wanted to go for dinner.. but i was rather afraid to go for dinner alone with him.. so i suggested to go with the whole group... *gpc clap for me!*

i'm getting to come more to terms with my r/s with ken n my r/s with CK... CK indeed have a special place in me.. and i find it hard to erase him out of my memory and my mind.. because... it has afterall been almost 3 long years together.... and that... there ahve been too many places that we have been to together... happy times spent together and the sad times because of him...

I'm proud to say that i've done more than anyone could ever do.. and i think that besides being useless to not stand up for myself and useless that i give in so much... i am indeed strong enough to tolerate all the crap and nonsense.. and i really truly loved him... very badly...

It hasn't been a long time.. and of course love can't just disappear... i haven't forget him totally.. i mean... i doubt i ever will.. but... i still keep reminding myself it's time to move on.. and yes.. Ken is so much nicer to me...

hm.. but one problem....

i was at training just now.. then i realise that... hm.. i'm really attracted to guys who are so fierce and wow... in martial arts...

~AuRo`Na~
Saturday, January 14, 2006