AsPire To InSpiRe... BefoRe U eXpire...

It's all coming back to me...a li

Thursday, January 26, 2006

I can't get him out of my mind... He seems to be everywhere i go... can't blame myself.. since i've been with him in NTU for too long a time...

I wonder how things should be for me right now...

I mean.. all of u know how hard it is to let go.. to move on... my gf's sure do.. it seems that we've all been through the heart broken.. state... But only the difference is... my man did nothing wrong to me... and he waan't the one who asked me to go... i was the one who chose to let go...

Am i foolish...

Indeed, happiness is important... but.. is it worth it?! When u really lose someone u sincerely.. truly love.. and u know u can continue loving even if u get hurt sometimes...

Should one pursue happiness... irregardless of if there's love...

Or should one hold to to love...

I used to pray and wish for happiness when i was with him... but now... i wish that there can be more than that... if i have to be with ken for long... i have to know that.. i can't just survive on happiness and joy...
I need love.. and i need to love him more.. a lot more...
Otherwise... my heart will always be somewhere else....

~AuRo`Na~
Thursday, January 26, 2006

after Gashuku Camp

Monday, January 23, 2006

My body is aching after the whole of the NTU Karate Club camp at MOE dairy Farm Road and in NTU itself...

I enjoyed myself very much with the people around.. i think i still love martial arts a lot.. though not this genre of Karate...
Was doing a lot of stunts and fighting with Ck using the Muay Thai And Kyokushin Karate style...
No regrets in spending time there... the people are great...
First time i see foreigner working so hard and so much to make the camp a better place..
They are people with no complains and attitude... They work willingly for the main committee and listen to everyone in the main committee irregardless of which post you hold or if they are in your committee or not...

The NUS people were a little stuck up though... and i met Hendra, a friend from secondary school tuition class at Mrs Cheng's...

In the camp, i see that Ck was still worried, anxious about me.. plus he loved me...
He looked at me with the caring eyes tat i used to loved being looked at...
From the looks i know he loves me deeply... very much...

On the first night.. it's CK's birthday... i had a surprise prepared for him..
I got James to come with a cake...
Made him think that i want to spar with him.. then i just went away.. without him knowing..
And then reappear with James, gf n the strudels as the cake...
HE was really astonished...
I've succeeded in surprising him again!! yeah!! success!!

After the celebrating, he sent them out.. and i followed shortly after that... knowing that i should wish him a HAPPY BIRTHDAY... he was touched and gave me a hug... it felt just so comfortable... and so familiar.. i wish i can be in that embrace forever...

I felt like he still wants to get back with me... (i think i want it too...)

On the 2nd day of the camp.. he still showered attention and love on me... even during the BBQ... he was concern that i had not enough food to eat.. and he was also concern that i was wearing lenses and should not be standing so close to the fire.. since like it seems that the foreigners do not have any F***ing idea how to get the fire started?!!! terrible.. for once i feel so much smarter than the scholars!! yeah!!!

Then it came the time when we were suppose to go hm...
at that time... CK left... he left early... i don't know why... but i just cried...
Why is it that he just won't stay to talk to me... why is it that he just won't do anything...
then i realise that.. for the effort that he has put in these few days.. i just don't deserve it...
I feel really very sad...

~AuRo`Na~
Monday, January 23, 2006

love myself...

Monday, January 16, 2006

Recently.. i understand how good it is to love ownself and be nice to myself...

It just feels so good...

I do things that i want to do... with moderate consideration for my boyfriend...

I wash my face... and keep myself pretty... but clothes for myself.. and stuffs like that.. argh..

I'm loving myself once again... and i love the feeling!!!

So girls.. people out there.. love yourself..

pamper yourself...

buy things for yourself..

make people love u..

make ur boyfriend love u more than u can love them...

Then you'll be happy and a beautiful women.. cos u'll grow from within!!

I love me!!

~AuRo`Na~
Monday, January 16, 2006

rummaging

Sunday, January 15, 2006

just a comment..

i was looking thru ken's pics..

and i was feeling jealous loking at his photos with his ex...

But instead.. i felt it was better back then..

~AuRo`Na~
Sunday, January 15, 2006

friday the 13th...

Saturday, January 14, 2006

It was what kids do in the past to be pretty concious about things that happen on friday the 13th...

But as u grow older. u realise that those are just crap.. and the more you think about things that may happen.. the more bad things will.... hahaah...

ok...

So... yesterday.. i was in a very bad state of mind... and.. i have to gice Chris jie jie credit for saying this to me... "Elena, seriously speaking, we are all sick of your BGR problems and we have been wondering...." (though i know they are sick of it.. they didn't say it out.. till yest...)

i was indeed a little hurt.. but sometimes truth hurts la... what to do..
I was in a very bad dilemma yesterday night because i got to know that CK cried when he read the things that i gave him.... When i know that. i felt hurt and i felt bad to have left him.. the feeling of wanting to be with him got back to me.. all at one shot.. and i was about to want to leave Ken...

Then i thought i want to talk to ken.. cos he has always been the nice guy for as long as i'm being happy for the past 1 whole month.. And again.. he's nice and patient to me lor... very nice to me... And i'm grateful...

Finally yesterday night i spent the time having some food with shunz... and helping him iron some clothes.. and haveing a full night of emotional conversation with Ken... *hugz*

today came.. and i was awaken once by CK... asking when my lessons ending and stuffs.. i suppose he want to meet me and he misses me...

By noon i was out to IKEA with ken... Ken bought a quilt.. and a quilt cover of my preference because there was once i nap at his place and it felt so cold i had to take his jacket to cover myself... and hence he decided to get a quilt for me! *touched*

he sent me back to NTU and then went hm... and then came my karate training....
It felt totally natural during the training.. like in the past whenever i had training with CK... it was totally fun and enjoyable... I have to admit that he's always the one who's the more man n hunky n 'meng' during training.. and will outshine all the other guys in the karate club kind... But lucky today.. there was jeremy, the VP of the club.. whom i think he looks like my cousin Isaac... Whom i think is cute.. so, instead, my attention was diverted to him.. and yeah.. i admire him more than i admire Ck... but... *sorry* to ck.. cos. i didn't cut my nails and i scratched him so hard on the neck that it left him streaks of red nails marking... opps... so poor thing....

end of karate training, Ck thought that i had to go hm and was asking if i wanted to go for dinner.. but i was rather afraid to go for dinner alone with him.. so i suggested to go with the whole group... *gpc clap for me!*

i'm getting to come more to terms with my r/s with ken n my r/s with CK... CK indeed have a special place in me.. and i find it hard to erase him out of my memory and my mind.. because... it has afterall been almost 3 long years together.... and that... there ahve been too many places that we have been to together... happy times spent together and the sad times because of him...

I'm proud to say that i've done more than anyone could ever do.. and i think that besides being useless to not stand up for myself and useless that i give in so much... i am indeed strong enough to tolerate all the crap and nonsense.. and i really truly loved him... very badly...

It hasn't been a long time.. and of course love can't just disappear... i haven't forget him totally.. i mean... i doubt i ever will.. but... i still keep reminding myself it's time to move on.. and yes.. Ken is so much nicer to me...

hm.. but one problem....

i was at training just now.. then i realise that... hm.. i'm really attracted to guys who are so fierce and wow... in martial arts...

~AuRo`Na~
Saturday, January 14, 2006

great start!!

Friday, January 06, 2006

Yeah... brand new year.. brand new start... seen fernie's bloggy.. n i am inspired to blog too!!!

So.. brand new year.. brand new start! i've left ** and i feel great.. feel good... carefree and easy... no worries.. nothing upsetting anymore...

now.. there's someone to care for me.. love me... and keep me company... lurve my life now.. it's great...

-just sometime so pissed off with the ** idiot... who disappoint me.. and pissed me off... and get angry... shitty... haiz...

okok... anyway... i just love the company...

~AuRo`Na~
Friday, January 06, 2006

new organiser!

Thursday, January 05, 2006

Peeps.. for those who don't get to see me often.. this is the cover for my organiser for year 2006...

all thanks to Mr Ken Soh... my cute guy... Love the book man!! yeah!!!

~AuRo`Na~
Thursday, January 05, 2006