AsPire To InSpiRe... BefoRe U eXpire...

i have to admit it...

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

I was enjoying my days studying with my bf.. though i can't deny that there are a lot of times when he does make me upset...

I seriously think he can go without me.. without me.. he'll still be as happy as he can always be... no big problem man...

Anyway... these 2 days we have an extra studying partner... his cousin... call her ST for short... anyway... she's a cute nice girl.. who is a year younger than me.. cute looking.. not pretty or anything like that... but sweet la.. nice.. naive.. innocent...

Indeed.. blood is so much thicker than blood.. no choice but to admit it... when my grandmother passed away.. spent so much time with my cousins.. and i really enjoy my time.. so much better than anything else.. though i was upset about my bf at that moment too.. i can feel so carefree.. so happy.. without him... when my cousins are around... They are such great people... too great to be true...

He's very close to his cousin... that i feel so left out.. indeed ridiculous if i'm jealous or what... but the way he treats me... really pisses me off.. by trying to be a real nice friend to his friends.. a real nice cousin to his cousin.. protecting her in almost every single way... But when with me.. his attitude just pisses me off... It's like a

I feel so unhappy... why is it that he tries to make people around him laugh... and smile.. but he just always fails to do so to me?! Is he a failure? Is he not the one for me? Is there such a thing where A is meant for B but B is not meant for A?

Am i the one for him but he's not the one for me?!

He's now off to send his cousin back to her hall... and i'm pissed off.. no.. i should rather say.. upset... because i can't go along.. and all these goes back to the very good old reason that i'm non-existence in his family... because his uncle and aunty will be there...

Well... sorta had a fight some time ago about this.. he's pissed off with why it matter so much to me... Well... reason is simple.. because i am me.. i don't ahve to explain why... because we all have different point of views and we think of things differently... We have different wants and needs and of couse different things matters to us differently...

I can't be happy when there are people around who reminds me that things are infact not that well.. things are in fact not that great... and that things are in fact not the way it should be...

I feel that the feelings from him are diluting.. in fact.. perhaps even come to a point of only obligation... There are love la.. maybe.. but just love... not " in love" anymore...

~AuRo`Na~
Tuesday, November 01, 2005