Wednesday, November 30, 2005
Staying in school for more than a month... makes me a mountain tortoise... haha.. knows nothing else but sch work... study... my bf... troubles and etc...
Back from school since 23rd november 2005... From 24th onwards till 27th november.. worked at the sitex 2005... Proud to achieve the best sales again this time round... But... hm... wonder if i should go work next year... in case anyone who bought that X-brand comes back to me and said... things like "last year i bought from you.. you say it's very good.. but now spoil already" Wah... then where's my credibility man...
Had a quarrel with my bf... on the last day of Sitex.. indeed i made a big fuss.. but for that kinda crap i'm still getting shit from him till now... today 30th liao leh...
Life's just not worth it... when you try to spend it with him... So much regrets... not in being with him.. but being too nice to him... Met up with my girlfriends yesterday.... and seen so many people.. with flopping bf.. or even guy friends around... typical Singaporean man has nothing but ego... haha... filled with dissappointment each day in my life.. by the guys around me...
Always have a good impression of Singaporean men.. and swore that they are the best because they are one of the most decent men around.. but... now... i think many are just empty vessels... looking good on the outside.. vain.. and nothing on the inside... no substance...
Feels good to come back to hm and get reconnected with a lot of people... Monica... Fernie... Wendy.. and Chris in mail... My cousins... sms.. and mail... and other friends.. like JX, jianhong.. asking me out for a meal.... edwin khoo... and others.. haha.. nice feeling.. yea.. jeremy too.. sometime soon this week...
I can be happy too... when i don't get crap shit from idiots...
~AuRo`Na~
Wednesday, November 30, 2005
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
Woke up at 8.. to help my bf prepare himself for his examination at 9.30... Then i went to cook porridge for today's lunch... and had not done anything till now! What a terrible me!! CRAP!
Tomorrow is my paper already... and i'm not studying! i'm doom... Instead of letting time fly by.. i decide to blog first...
I wonder...
How often do people read my blog...
Who read my blog...
What should be the things that i should actually blog about...
hm...
ok... Recently... these few weeks... there had been good times and bad times...
And things like BAd things are definitely unavoidable during stressfyl period... ain't i right...
Ok... now.. i have a bottle of BAILEYS Irish cream on my table... YIPPEE!!! i got liqeur to drink! can't wait for my exams to end. argh.. have been staring for it for a long time...
Hm... Things hasn't really been going well for me.. but i think i have good guy friends around who help me through things... Solomon... Jeremy... Jieyang certainly earn these credit... Of course i also earn a little credit for having gain their trust and credibility...
these few days... my bf is treating me nice... nicely... yeah... he does understand me well enough to treat me well... to some extent... We shall see how long he'll treat me well... and how long he'll keep his promise to me...
He's definitely a nice guy... for unable to express himself well.. in the way i expect him to... Because we alll have expectations of how we want others to treat us.. and i do believe that if i want A to understand something.. it has to be a way in which A will and can understand instead of how i express it... That's effective communication.. don't you people agree?!
2 more papers to go... i score C for my essay assignment again... I'm terrible!!! argh..
I hope my final paper will be good enough... otherwise... gone case!
Anyway... this semester's exam is terrible.. nothing is good... Moreover... the bell curve this time will be drawn again the experts of School of Biological Science when we talk about the biology papers.... To be in comparison with the Mechanical and Aerospace students when the paper for mechanics is marked... And Our very own SMART Bioengineering division when it comes to Anatomy and Physiology paper... And for myself... the Sociology major student for my sociology module.... ARGH..............
What do i do after my exams... i'll try to earn money... haha... wish me luck people... and all the best to myself!
~AuRo`Na~
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
Sunday, November 13, 2005
yesterday had a talk with him...
Had been unhappy for a long time...
I spilled out al the bad things, inconsiderate things... that he had done for the past very long time. He comment that i didn't wanna say things out when they happened... I refuted with :" How to say? When everytime i say something... i get an "chou lian".. How to say when it always ended up you being unhappy... then again... if i always have to say... When will he ever learn?
The reason for me not saying anything is because.. i needed him to learn on his own... Because i believe that unless he learn or someone learn on his own... He has never understand... am i right?
I had been very angry with myself.. cos i dont' love myself enough...
Gave him all that i have.. yet i'm taken for granted...
I ended of the talk thing with hug.. of course.. but with 3 important question...
1.) Think back on all the things that you have done... Have you been taking me for granted?
2.) Will you appreciate me more?
3.) Do u still love me?
He ended... well, with much pestering of what is on his mind... he said..." I don't wanna lose you..."
Everyone has their patience and limit... And i said something which mean to be something to be said and not threatening...
"If you don't wanna lose me... then be nice to me... Because if one day... i can't take it anymore... I'll just leave..."
It's not a threath.. but fact...
Too bad... my patience is so damn good... that's why after so long.. i'm still with him...
~AuRo`Na~
Sunday, November 13, 2005
Tuesday, November 01, 2005
I was enjoying my days studying with my bf.. though i can't deny that there are a lot of times when he does make me upset...
I seriously think he can go without me.. without me.. he'll still be as happy as he can always be... no big problem man...
Anyway... these 2 days we have an extra studying partner... his cousin... call her ST for short... anyway... she's a cute nice girl.. who is a year younger than me.. cute looking.. not pretty or anything like that... but sweet la.. nice.. naive.. innocent...
Indeed.. blood is so much thicker than blood.. no choice but to admit it... when my grandmother passed away.. spent so much time with my cousins.. and i really enjoy my time.. so much better than anything else.. though i was upset about my bf at that moment too.. i can feel so carefree.. so happy.. without him... when my cousins are around... They are such great people... too great to be true...
He's very close to his cousin... that i feel so left out.. indeed ridiculous if i'm jealous or what... but the way he treats me... really pisses me off.. by trying to be a real nice friend to his friends.. a real nice cousin to his cousin.. protecting her in almost every single way... But when with me.. his attitude just pisses me off... It's like a
I feel so unhappy... why is it that he tries to make people around him laugh... and smile.. but he just always fails to do so to me?! Is he a failure? Is he not the one for me? Is there such a thing where A is meant for B but B is not meant for A?
Am i the one for him but he's not the one for me?!
He's now off to send his cousin back to her hall... and i'm pissed off.. no.. i should rather say.. upset... because i can't go along.. and all these goes back to the very good old reason that i'm non-existence in his family... because his uncle and aunty will be there...
Well... sorta had a fight some time ago about this.. he's pissed off with why it matter so much to me... Well... reason is simple.. because i am me.. i don't ahve to explain why... because we all have different point of views and we think of things differently... We have different wants and needs and of couse different things matters to us differently...
I can't be happy when there are people around who reminds me that things are infact not that well.. things are in fact not that great... and that things are in fact not the way it should be...
I feel that the feelings from him are diluting.. in fact.. perhaps even come to a point of only obligation... There are love la.. maybe.. but just love... not " in love" anymore...
~AuRo`Na~
Tuesday, November 01, 2005