AsPire To InSpiRe... BefoRe U eXpire...

5th october 2005

Thursday, October 06, 2005

Today... is a day of lying... so much lies... so much truth...
He lied of course that he doesn't have a gf...

Sorry dear girl friends.. i lied... i wasn't meeting my friend or anything like that... But i was actually waiting for my bf...

After u girls left... i sat out marriot and cried... i was upset... unhappy about things... Which has all along been an issue in my heart...

He was meeting his friends also for dinner date... with his da-jie, xiao-mei, his bro, best friend, best friend's girlfriend, and his best friend brothers...

Well, of course i was missed out... In order to get back to school... i could either wait for him.. or take a bus or cab myself... But.. as i'd lend money to my friends.. which left me almost enitrely broke and can't pay my fees... i choose to not wait time or $ for travelling... So i waited for him...

I waited outside marriot after you girls left.. and i waited till 10.37...
IT is indeed quite sad.. then people will think.. why would i even bother to wait at all? well... because... not waiting doesn't change the fact that i'm sad...

I've been sad... I thought i'd be just as happy when i'm out with you peopel.. and indeed i have loads of fun... hanging out with you all.... There seems to be no troubles at all when you all are around...

But after you all leave.. i need to face facts again... That it's due to him being " wuo nang" that i can't have a normal relationship... Spoke to cav yesterday night... and he's nice... and i felt better...

Sometimes.. i feel that he's just plain selfish...

The fact that he wants the best of both worlds... his family.. and gf... i think i dont' have to explain further...

Also... i won't give up.. cos it's not me to give things up so easily... and for many factors as well... Perhaps.. the only way.. is for him to let me go... well, it's just that i feel that ..." if u wanna be with me.. u either do something for me... otherwise you let me be free..." Why keep me around..

I told him once... few weeks ago... "Why keep trying to make other people happy... And in the end... You can't even make me... if u should say... ur gf... ur most loved women in the world happy?!" ( or perhaps... he's more concerned about the man he loved most deep inside his heart--HIMSELF...)

~AuRo`Na~
Thursday, October 06, 2005