AsPire To InSpiRe... BefoRe U eXpire...

such a screwed up me!

Saturday, September 24, 2005

I haven't been attending most of the lessons since school started this week...
What the hell have i been doing?

F***!!!

Everything i see other's blog.. i feel fortunate on their behalf...
Dom seems to be enjoying life... so much...
Fernie is now so in love...
Agnes is living her everyday life so well...

What the hell am i doing...

Well, i seem to have many things which other people doesn't...
I have a 'supposedly' good future ahead of me.. since i'm in a gd course in Uni...
I don't look that bad afterall.. though i have a big 'zhu jiao'...
I have parents who doesn't force me to do things that i don't like.. like those of my bf.. or my other guy friends...
I have a big HDB apartment to live in.. i can switch on air-con anytime i want...
I have a super good friend who for ABSOLUTELY no reasons is super good to me...
I have a driving licence...
I have $$ to spend...
I have cars to drive...
I have a laptop.. laser printer.... diamond necklaces-i get to pick which one i want to wear...
I have 2 2-door wardrobe full of clothes...
I have new textbooks every semester...
I have nothing to be worried about!

Why am i unhappy...

I realise that i have this thesis... that men are all idiots!! And we can't trust them!
But i feel that my bf is a great guy... and someone whom i should trust.. and can trust...
Then i always remembered the time that i was so upset by him.. that was 12th July last year... That time in my life, i entrusted all my happiness upon him.... but... i was upset because of him... It doesn't matter to me what or why i was upset... but the fact that i've entrusted my happiness to him.. and he failed to make me happy! argh!

See how contradicing my life is! Trust.. then can't trust...

I know that girlfriends are always trustworthy.. the good ones always tell u how awful u look in some kinda clothing.s... and make sure u look good enough when u are out with them.. they sometimes do pissed u off once in a while... cos u dont' like the way they talk to you... but we girlfriends always forgivve and forget... But i also don't that... as a girlfriend.. we'll always put BF first... and when u are upset.. or perhaps u need company.. sometimes.. they can't do so... Why are there so much contradictions in life?

I know i'm in the best course in the NTU... but i don't feel that tat's something i wanna do in the future..

Wanted so much to be an air stewardess when i was young... then a hotel manager... hm.. what the crap am i doing here.. What is wrong with my life...

I am the kind who when i love something.. i'll do it... and when i don't... i dont' care about the consequences... and i'll stop doing things...

People who knows me well enough.. will know that if i say.. i don't like person A and i said.. don't pissed me off.. otherwise i'll slap u... I REALLY WILL DO IT!
am i right.. my darling friends!?

I'm alone in my hostel now... i think the main reason i'm feeling lost now.. is the arrival of HONDA INTEGRA TYPE R!

Because i am one.. whom have put up with doing and studying... even though i never know what i want to study... what i wanna do... since i can't be an air stewardess or a hotel manager...
But i'm just not in the mood to carry on... because... honda integra type R is bothering me too much... should i ask to not have the car? can i?

I seiourly... need help! please help! i need my baby to tell me that everything will be fine! absolutely fine...

Everytime i lied and lied to myself... but i always know that... i've already put him in priority ahead of myself... what's the point of deceiving others and telling others that i don't care.... when i can't even lie to myself!

~AuRo`Na~
Saturday, September 24, 2005