AsPire To InSpiRe... BefoRe U eXpire...

i'm so dissappointed!!

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

I'm so disappointed by my bf... he's taking the car matter too well.. he's accepting the ar as it is.. no question asked! WHAT!? is that a way to show me that he trust me? or is that a way to show me how much he loves the car? exuse me?! argh~~~!!! ok.. before u even think of an answer for the questions i posed.. please listen to this...

The Integra has all the functions that he wants in a car.. and is given to me from Cav.. ok...
Then, i told him that i'm trying to push for having the car 3 years later in my own name and i'll pay the instalment... But he... WANTS IT TO HIS NAME.. claiming that he feels uncomfortable to have cars that belongs to us.. when it's not under his name.. cos he's brought up that way by his parents... and that his mum even brought club membership to his dad's name...

One thing i can't understand:
Why will a man wants to have a car which is not given to him initially...
Why will a man wants to have something... which is not owned by him...

He says he felt upset by me... because when he has got his car, and that he went to duplicat a key for me... And that when i will be havin a car.. i don't get this done... And he feels that he dotes on me... more than i dote on him...

MY reason:
It's my car... and yes.. u let me drive your car though in fear that our dad may see me in it.. But then.. i have no CAR!! And secondly.. i NEVER KNOW THAT we can ANYHOW duplicate a car's key...
Thirdly, there are times when i can understand how much you dote on the car and i let u do whatever you want to the car.... And thoughg you mentiont that u like integra but your preference always changes.. and now.. your preference is a EVO 9... so now that i have an Integra.. which has always been my choice of cars.. over any other cars... u want MY CAR! which doesn't even belong to me! belong to someone else!

HE wants to take over the car payment 2 years from now.. when HE graduates! But the deal i have with Cav is that i take over the car when I graduate! My bf says that will help me feel less indebt to Cav, well yes indeed it will... but you are making me lose something that i owned all these few years.... And the fact that u want to pay for the car means it'll be yours.. and then... it's not mine anymore...

Back to the 1st ever reason mention in this blog...
WHy on earth are you so proud and so determined to get the Integra when it's initally not even yours....

F*** up isn't it?

ok... now... He is going out on a birthday celebration with his brother, james, and da-ie, xiao mei... n he WANTS TO USE MY INTEGRA!
Don't you think it's over board.. that i cannot even be there... and yet.. he wants to take MY CAR OUT! to flaunt in a place.. where my presence cannot even be felt?! Excuse me!

This car will be ur-my bf, if it's mine... for now.. it's mine.. only because of cavin.. and being mine now.. doesnt' mean that it belongs to him! What right does he has that he demand to much..

And to add on.. why is it that i don't make a key for him is because... The remote control to it.. is one with the ignition button.. the car STARTS before i reach it!

MY integra has a DVD player.. and superior hi-fi system! Why does he want to flaunt something that isn't even his... Or is it because it's mine... Fern... please advice me! please!!!!!

~AuRo`Na~
Wednesday, September 28, 2005

such a screwed up me!

Saturday, September 24, 2005

I haven't been attending most of the lessons since school started this week...
What the hell have i been doing?

F***!!!

Everything i see other's blog.. i feel fortunate on their behalf...
Dom seems to be enjoying life... so much...
Fernie is now so in love...
Agnes is living her everyday life so well...

What the hell am i doing...

Well, i seem to have many things which other people doesn't...
I have a 'supposedly' good future ahead of me.. since i'm in a gd course in Uni...
I don't look that bad afterall.. though i have a big 'zhu jiao'...
I have parents who doesn't force me to do things that i don't like.. like those of my bf.. or my other guy friends...
I have a big HDB apartment to live in.. i can switch on air-con anytime i want...
I have a super good friend who for ABSOLUTELY no reasons is super good to me...
I have a driving licence...
I have $$ to spend...
I have cars to drive...
I have a laptop.. laser printer.... diamond necklaces-i get to pick which one i want to wear...
I have 2 2-door wardrobe full of clothes...
I have new textbooks every semester...
I have nothing to be worried about!

Why am i unhappy...

I realise that i have this thesis... that men are all idiots!! And we can't trust them!
But i feel that my bf is a great guy... and someone whom i should trust.. and can trust...
Then i always remembered the time that i was so upset by him.. that was 12th July last year... That time in my life, i entrusted all my happiness upon him.... but... i was upset because of him... It doesn't matter to me what or why i was upset... but the fact that i've entrusted my happiness to him.. and he failed to make me happy! argh!

See how contradicing my life is! Trust.. then can't trust...

I know that girlfriends are always trustworthy.. the good ones always tell u how awful u look in some kinda clothing.s... and make sure u look good enough when u are out with them.. they sometimes do pissed u off once in a while... cos u dont' like the way they talk to you... but we girlfriends always forgivve and forget... But i also don't that... as a girlfriend.. we'll always put BF first... and when u are upset.. or perhaps u need company.. sometimes.. they can't do so... Why are there so much contradictions in life?

I know i'm in the best course in the NTU... but i don't feel that tat's something i wanna do in the future..

Wanted so much to be an air stewardess when i was young... then a hotel manager... hm.. what the crap am i doing here.. What is wrong with my life...

I am the kind who when i love something.. i'll do it... and when i don't... i dont' care about the consequences... and i'll stop doing things...

People who knows me well enough.. will know that if i say.. i don't like person A and i said.. don't pissed me off.. otherwise i'll slap u... I REALLY WILL DO IT!
am i right.. my darling friends!?

I'm alone in my hostel now... i think the main reason i'm feeling lost now.. is the arrival of HONDA INTEGRA TYPE R!

Because i am one.. whom have put up with doing and studying... even though i never know what i want to study... what i wanna do... since i can't be an air stewardess or a hotel manager...
But i'm just not in the mood to carry on... because... honda integra type R is bothering me too much... should i ask to not have the car? can i?

I seiourly... need help! please help! i need my baby to tell me that everything will be fine! absolutely fine...

Everytime i lied and lied to myself... but i always know that... i've already put him in priority ahead of myself... what's the point of deceiving others and telling others that i don't care.... when i can't even lie to myself!

~AuRo`Na~
Saturday, September 24, 2005

Updates on gossips!

Sunday, September 04, 2005

haha.. time to blog again.. after so long.. cavin asked me to go mug and not play any games.. for the next two hours.. but with the com infront of me.. who can resist it right?! haha..
okok.. i'll update u peeps from the very beginning.. of the school term...

As u people know.. i haven' seen a lot of u for a long LONg long time...
monica.. since u went away..
Jessica since... monica went away.. haha.. first n the last time we met though.. but i like ur bo chup ness in somethings.. haha..
Who else.. haah.. i neve forget u people one la..

Fernie... gao tiao mei nu.. argh.. why did i got for the dove thing!
argh! i hate myself.. i could have been a dove girl too.. yesterday night got another assignment from catherine from aptitude again.. push it away again.. jsut for responsibility sake-my piano! fark! hm...

Wendy.. see u so happy in ur blog n photo.. so happy for u..

Chris... so nice.. u forever.. enjoying urself.. n so cute n pretty... mm.. n u have been a good girl.. who update ur blog.. haha..

Now... me?!

since school started... first 2 weeks was trouble.. trouble.. so sianz.. have to travel to sch everyday.. but i get to come home to by so nice bed....

Got back to know cavin... he's like a big kor kor like that.. who dote on me... dont' be mistaken.. he knows i have a bf.. and we're plain platonic.. but just that... he's someone who's very dear to me.. like a good guy friend... just like u people are gd girl friends to me... not about how long i met him.. but he's nice... taking care of me... in many ways... so sweet..

Me n my bf.. hm.. we are ok... will update u people more.. personally.. when i see you...

I should be getting my integra in a day or 2... hope it's a real thing.. promise to give u all my girl friend a ride... PROMISE! n if i have a car.. i'll go for the upcoming GPC meet up lor.. can run out from sch ma....

I've been very busy in sch.. this semester is a killing one.. with lab report to do everyweek! u know.. normally all other people in the school does only one formal report each semester.. but Bioengineers! we got to do.. 4 formal.. plus around 3/4 informal one! argh...

I have like 10 modules this semester.. which includes..
1) bio chemistry
2)biology
3) maths..
4)mechanics
5)business finance
6)sociology
7)laboratory
8)tech com
9)anatomy and physiology
10)thermodynamics..

Wah.. all sound so chim right... haha...

I was running for business manager for clubs and commiittee... didn't get anything.. it's ok.. i'm not taking it any hard ata all.. haha.. got integra.. makes the world goes round....

I not got my driving licence... on the 19th August...
2nd day of getting licence.. i drove at 120km/h on PIE.. woohoo~~~~~ haha.. who is as lucky as me...

Yesterday was playing with car...
i hope i can handle the integra will..
Soon.. i'll get a chance to drive a BMW 7 series...

I think there may be some changes in my life... but i need to get myself ready.. and be sure that the change is good for me... for now.. i'm quite reluctant.. cos. i'm unsure.. and i'm afriad i'll make the right choice.. whether if there'll be changes in my life.. i'll know it soon.. and u peopel will know it soon..

Whatever it is.. change or not change.. there are both pros and cons to both situation... that's why it's so hard.. since consequences are not skewed... hm... what else u people wanna know....

cal me la... haha.. i'll meet up with you people soon... i'm a hell driver.. i cheong one lor! if u wanna sit my car.. u better be sure!! haha....

~AuRo`Na~
Sunday, September 04, 2005