AsPire To InSpiRe... BefoRe U eXpire...

sick n tired?!

Saturday, June 25, 2005

Recently, i find that things are slowing down between the both of us...
Things, i feel are starting to become more and more bored...

Is it due to a long standing relationship?!
Is it just because he's just too tired?!
Is it just me?!

Absence makes the heart grow fonder...
Perhaps we have been seeing each other almost everyday for the week... And the absence of absence has made things or rather us... seems less fond of each other...

There's this thing between us that is rather special..
I LOVE YOU = 3 squeezes on the arm, thighs or hand...

He has yet to stop giving me the 3 squeezes...
He claims that i know always exactly what he's doing...
He claims that i have control over his life...
He wasn't afraid to bring me to the place where he works as a swimming instructor...
He wasn't afraid to bring me to the clinic he worked at...

He said that he has nothing more to hide.. and i know everything... inside out...

But i don't feel happy.. i don't feel satisfied...
Whenever something is not in my favor... i get pissed off.. sianz...

I think i'm in the depression mood again!
kinda super sianz...
Today i saw how he chooses a bag for his mum's birthday present...
He wanted a bag... without any open compartment for anyone to slide the hands in to grab something from there...
I think he really love his mum..
Then i thought of the conversation i had with JJ yeterday.. how he flared up because his brother was rude to his mum... and i thought of how my brother will dote on my mum...

They really are mum's boy... Or rather, all men are mum's boy...
Hm.. instinct?!

I'm feeling so damn bored now... Nothing to do... no aim... no goal...

I did 2 model are for him... one HONDA INTEGRA type R, the other, HONDA CIVIC type R...

I failed my driving... it's a shame.. i got no points demerit on the road.. one stupid mud motorist cause me to get an immediate failure! if only he was more steady!
The tester kept saying that he enjoyed my driving.. and i drove well.. but too bad the incident happened in the circuit... And he can't close 1 eye...
What can i do?! right?!

i cook for him just now... beek steak.. i think it's delicious... seriously... i think it's good...
ai... i feel so lost!
sucker!
life sucks!!!

~AuRo`Na~
Saturday, June 25, 2005

can't think of a gd title...

Thursday, June 16, 2005

6th June 2005-9.48am...
i lost my grandmother...
According to people who believe... she is in somewhere where there's no hurt.. pain or sorrow...

Uncle richie came back on 4th June.. just in time.. Dad.. came back on 2nd June... all in time for my grandmother...

My grandmother had a 5 day wake... which ended on 10th June...
During the 5 days.. my cousins and i grew so much more closer together...
We were all staying over at my grandmother's house.. in Ponggol...
The whole family was there.. during that 5 days...
Taking turns to bath.. in that 2 pathetic bathroom.. why pathetic.. haha.. cos there were 27 of us... haha...

We took turns to sleep in the night... evening.. morning... and noon... Took turns to go on rounds to serve drinks... serve food... and took turns to play Majhong... We all took turns to do things... Buy food.. eat.. food.. so that others can entertain the guest who came to pay their last respect... Big thank you to people who were around.. who can to the wake.. And a big thank you to my own bf... who helped quite a lot...

Cousins... had a little fight.. i won't really think it's really because of problems between ourselves... but rather things that happened daily.. that builds things up... and cos.. people to get frustrated... i don't know.. haha...

I have to say that we had a big time.. laughing.. crying.. wailing... blaming.. scolding.. playing together...

11th June 2005
We went to mandai crematorium to collect the ashes...
There were spots of Pink in mt grandmother's bone... that fellow in charge there said.. this shows signs of compassion... that means.. my grandma treated people well. when she was alive...

we had a lunch.. at Serangoon Gardens... to celebrate my parent's 25th wedding anniversary...
Dinner was to celebrate my Siem Aunt's birthday... dinner was a surpirse for her.. at my grandma's place...

12th june...
Me n my bf... 27 month liao..
2 and a quarter year.... hm..
long also not long.. also can't say it's so short...
He was with me n my family... on this day... for a movie... 19 of us.. went to watch MAGADASCAR together.. and had lunch at MANHATTEN market place or whatever u call that at PS... nice seafood lunch. better than Fish n Co..

Then me n bf spent some time together.. before he head hm...

should update again.. feeling lazy now.. nightz..

~AuRo`Na~
Thursday, June 16, 2005

what should i do?

Friday, June 03, 2005

He is back to me now... Thinking back...
Indeed during that time, he was just feeling stressed up...
But i can't help feeling that he's a selfish man... Very...

Thhis morning woke up early.. had my bitch sleeping over at my house last night...
I had to go to school.. so woke up very early... to prepare and head to my bf's place for him to fetch me to sch...

There he was... like as though nothing has happened for the past few weeks...
There he was... like as though i shouldn't have cried and wail and worried too much for the last few weeks...
There he was... like as though i was an idiot...
There he was... like as though i have to entertain him..
There he was...

I felt pretty upset when i'm with him these few days.. thought still some gladness too...
I'm so much happy than i am, i was for the past 3/4 weeks.. ever since all those shit started...
Even though i'm upset about my grandmother's condition... With him around.. it really lighten up my day a lot...

Yesterday night i was talking to him... I was asking if he still likes me... he kept very quiet... Finally... i said.. the other time.. when we were talking face to face.. u nodded ur head.. so this time.. u just tell me yes or no.. he replied" then i nod my head now lor!"
It felt just so good...

I feel so lost without him...
He's now very much into the habit of saying things that will spite me... trigger my emotions.. like things that suggests that he doesn't want to talk to me... call me or anything like that....
I wonder if that's the influence he gets from being around with guys?

He's quite nice today... to me... being nice to me.. and my family.. haven't had a huggiez from him... a smuacks from him... and dinner with him...
We went to the airport to fetch my dad... Had BK dinner... and starbucks coffee...
Went to see my grandma... Hm... old women already... Pretty upset...

Called him just now... wanted to accompany him home.. but perhaps... for today... he has had too much of me... doesnt' wanna talk to me anymore... Didn't pick up his phone call... i Think he has reached hm by now... but.. he has yet to call me... Haiz...

His temper is getting from bad to worse... Being around guys... for too long a time... makes somone forget how to treat a girl as a girl... make a person forget how to treat a gf.. as a gf...

I wonder how he loves me now? like the way his dad loves his mum?! well.. perhaps.. a chip off the old block!

I'll carry on... until the day.. i can't take it anymore... That will be the end... if i have the strength and love... maybe it'll be a lifetime!? who knows... i don't!

~AuRo`Na~
Friday, June 03, 2005

WTF is goin on?!

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

haiz... it's so damn shitty... don't even know what the F*** is going on...

Met him this morning... chatted with him... bought him an exfoliating skin towel...
But i feel so distant away from him...
Why?
sometimes i really hate men hanging out together for too long a time...
They tend to losea sense of feeling... they can't seem to feel things anymore...
Can't seem to understand a lot of things...

I feel that he's very 'guo fen'...
Taking things for granted... taking things like as though it's his own world...
Yeah right.. he's busy... with this and that... poor fellow.. and i did promise to give in to anything...
But does that give him the right to ill treat me? to take me for granted?
Talk to me whenever he wants to?
Tell me things like... " i don't wanna talk to you now!"
WTF is this!?

How can he talk to me like this?
He just hung up on me...

I feel so manipulated! Why is he doing such a thing to me?
Has he stopped loving me?

Sometimes i feel that his hatred for the way he has been treated at hm.. is so directed to me... the hatred for the 'disowning' of him... by his father...

I feel that he has directed all those hatred at me...
I hope he realises things sooner... if not things are going to suffer...
I'm so heart broken!

No more sweet words.. no more sweet moments... no more of anything...

ONLY SWEET MEMORIES... that's so sad...

~AuRo`Na~
Wednesday, June 01, 2005