AsPire To InSpiRe... BefoRe U eXpire...

dissapointment...

Thursday, March 17, 2005

I'm often feeling a sense of disappointment... From the various things that people do to me.. or things that they do in any events... Perhaps...my expectations are often too high to be attained. Or perhaps he's really not up to it...

Sometimes.. i may be overboard and gives no allowance to excuses. Like when he say he will come over.. if he changes his mind last minute cos he's tired or whatever, i'll get upset... I won't be happy. I think most of the time is because... i feel that he hasn't put in enough...

Cos i can swear i never change or break my promise towards him... when i say i will meet him.. or that i'll accompany him in any manner.. i never fail to do so...

Sometimes it's just so sad... so pathetic... So unhappy and so demanding of me...

Sometime people ask me.. why am i giving in so much? well, because i feel that there's hope...
I'm constantly looking out for mistakes and the right time to say things.
It's human nature that.. when one does things... he/she hopes to be reciprocated in the same manner..

let me quote an example, when u say 'I Love U' to your love one... Don't you actually hope he/she reciproate back with a 'I Love U'?

So.. no matter how bad someone treats me.. and if that person means a lot to me.. i'll try that person well.. cos i have hope.. and i 'm hoping.. constantly that my love, my concern, care will be reciprocated back....

~AuRo`Na~
Thursday, March 17, 2005

afraid...

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

I'm afraid... that he'll one day leave me, abandon me.. throw me aside.. once again when he's in bad mood....
I'm afraid to give in too much... and love him too much... in fear that.. one day.. i'll feel that hurt that i have felt before...
I'm afraid that i'll be once again disappointed my unattainable expectations...
I'm afraid... there's too many i'm afraid... till i'm afraid that saying "I Love U" will cos myself to fall deep again.. and when hurt comes... i won't be able to withstand it...

I'm so afraid....

~AuRo`Na~
Wednesday, March 16, 2005

into... 12th march 2005

Saturday, March 12, 2005

One more day to our 2nd anniversary... Many people asked, why hold on when you're so upset all the time... u keep giving... and he keep receiving...

Away from that topic first... on Monday, he went missing for one whole day... no calls... no sms.. nothing at all from him... Said he was asked to go home...
In me.. i knew that there maybe different reasons for getting out of school...
1. he was really asked to go hm...
2. he didn't want to face me...
3. he was so sick of work.. and just want to go home.. for the gym...
4. he wanted to get me my present...

of course.. with his attitude and pissed off voice.. i darent' even think of the last option....

On tuesday he came back to school... when he called me.. he sounded very pissed off with me... claimed that i check on him.. by coming into his room.. i was like.. WTF! cos his clothes were in my room.. so i brought them over.. and bring them over.. of course i unpacked things and stuff.s.. then he claimed that he's unhappy with the idea that i spend half an hour in a room with a half naked man... who's his roomie... but.. i was packing his things for him la..

Nvm... about that... la... since it's over.. just that i was damn bloody pissed off... didn't feel taht i did anything wrong.. and i was scolded... Anyway... After that.. he told me that he misses me.. a lot.. the night b4... and he said he thought about it.. and felt that... i'm still the best..

Listening to all these.. frankly.. i dont' know to rejoice or not?!
He bought me this pair of star shape diamond earrings... and said..." This is the first time in my life.. i'm getting a real piece of jewellery for a girl."-rejoice?!

These few days... are fine.. except for some matters that are going on... but i dont' feel like talking about it now....

Tomorrow's the anniversary... I don't feel elated... i don't think that it's something to rejoice or whatever about.. perhaps.. it's not my first relationship.. into it's 2nd year...

For him.. this is the first relationship.. which stretches for so long... perhaps.. i should say congrtulations to him... ahah... let me think things through... and i'll tell u people more.. in the mean time.. comments.. i wanna talk... haaha..

~AuRo`Na~
Saturday, March 12, 2005

my birthday....

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

On my birthday.. i was in school... with my bf... the next day... at Wala Wala cafe... with a bunch of friends.. hm... interesting.. and happy.... these are some of the stuffs.. i got from my friends....

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Wy-En n David brought me this yummlicious cake!!!! yeah!! from Sweet Secrets... it's Banana Chocolate cake.. the font on the cake look damn big right?!!? ahah. so cartoon.. and Zihao like that cake super much lor....

The whole cafe sang a birthday song for me.. i recorded it down.. hm... haha.. u want.. i can let u listen.. but i'm still trying to find ways to upload it... anyone.. any idea.. tell me la...

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This photo frame.. is from mailto:B@@!!! yeah.. cheers to B@ b@.. damn nice right?! the 'da tou' photo... the shades looks cools?! of course.. it's mine.! Ray Ban!! hahah... we took this when we were out.. the other time.. with jonathan.. haha... her camera quality gd sia.. still can take 4 R photo... ah.. thanks to b@ b@.. *smuacks.... haha....

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My da kuku brought this top for me.. hm.. a little too skimpy right.. but i think this is the kind that lin will dress in.. but i feel very fat to wear leh.. moreover.. very transparent.. haha.. can see everything inside... but who cares!?

~AuRo`Na~
Tuesday, March 08, 2005

moving on?! going apart?!

In the midst of talks about going overseas to thailand...
Having his laundry in my room...
His clothes drying on my clothes line....
An action figure, so called of him... a guy in karate suit key chain...
A cow stuff toy called, Moo Cha lying on my bed with my everynight... and on his bed, Moo chi....
A joint account...
Photos of him, instead of my family's photo...
There are so many things... in my room, in my hall, in my house... in Singapore that reminds me of him...

I think it's time i get ready for a break up...
I think he's getting sick and tired of me...
Won't say it's my fault... sometimes, u don't have to be in the wrong to be disliked...
He's pissed off with me... since Friday, which was my birthday... He 'luan' for the past few days... And perhaps. this is a sign, this is a signal...

I do love him very much... but... hate him as well... Don't know how to describe my feelings... Very much want him and need him...

He's now pissed off with me for sayign things that hurt him.. for pissing him off... But little did he try to take into consideration that he had made me upset before i can say those kind of things to him...

As much as he's pissed, i'm upset too... Will he call me tonight?!

He claims that he has been very nice to me... calling me.. even though he's pissed off with me... Who in the world say this kinda things.... argh!!

~AuRo`Na~
Tuesday, March 08, 2005

10 minutes

Monday, March 07, 2005

i have to call my bf.. in 10 minutes time... nad. i believe.. 10 minutes is sufficient for me to vent my anger and sorrows... I've upset him with my words.. over the weekend... And i'm very upset now... I know what i've done, but i know too what he has done to me... I malign him... and made him upset.. for that.. i feel upset too.. and had apologise... now.. he's pissed with me... upset that i pissed him off... But me too upset.. that he didn't take into consideration that he has made me upse too.. and there are parts whereby he's in the wrong too...

I feel like a fool... and i feel terribly upset... what have i done to deserve this... i know he's busy... and hence have no time to accompany me on my birthdya.. i took the initiative to stay back in school to accompany him instead...

He can't get me prezzie.. and didn't ahve time for that.. i can understand.. but i feel upset that i received none frmo him... Though it's not that i must get something from him... but the fact that i didn't upsets me..

I don't know what's wrong to deserve this... that.. whenever there's a big day coming.. christmas.. new year.. and my birthday some conflict must arrive...

Yesterday.. as i blow my candle.. i made a wish.. which has since.. last year.. be the only wish i ever wish for.. yearn for. and hope for... I just want to be happy!!!

~AuRo`Na~
Monday, March 07, 2005

Moo Moo's day...

Saturday, March 05, 2005

4th of March... Happy birthday Moo Moo...
Moo Moo... ！！！！！

~AuRo`Na~
Saturday, March 05, 2005