AsPire To InSpiRe... BefoRe U eXpire...

O come all ye faithful...

Sunday, December 12, 2004

People goes to church... People goes to temple... People... In general pray... That's cos they have the faith in them...

When two people are together... What kind of faith should they have?
Faith that neither will have a change of heart?
Faith that neither will betray?
Faith that they need each other?

I have faith in him... That he'll not betray... But I'm afraid that he doesn't need me as much as I feel that I needed him... I have no faith that I'm needed...

Indeed... True that one without the other can still live on... But how terrible the feeling is... To have and to lose...

Around him... I see girls that are prettier, gentler, more demure, sweeter, more thoughtful, better at fighting (karate and muay thai which is his interest, even one of his ex gf- a black belt, is trained by him)... Who am I to compare myself to them... He's proud that i've made it seems that I hold other belt colors though I'm just a white belt... And that I have strength to kick better than his ex gf... But them again.. Haven't he been as proud or even much more when that ex gf of his got her black belt... And how she's the kata champion... The second girl with black belt in the whole group of people... Under our master...

I don't have the faith, the confidence that he'll stay with me... Yes true... For the past 5 days, we haven't been apart from each other except for those time we spent in the loo... But when he gets close with other girls... I can't help feeling that... He might just leave one day...

We have plans... Indeed... Much plans... Joint account... Family... Name for the kids... Everything... Whatever... Whatever... But I'm still afraid... I know he's human... With shortcomings too... But I can't seem to see his shortcoming now... I feel so blinded... blinded... That I keep doing things for him...

I injured myself last night... During karate training... Master compared me with his ex gf and said that I should get a change of belt cooler too... haiz... Lucky my own bf said that I can kick better than her... If not I'll KICK HIM!!

For the past few days... I've been with him... Going for training on Monday, Thursday, and Friday night... We went for like kind excursion things... Cycle for 5 hours... To Lin Chu Kang to drink chocolaty flavored milk... And had afternoon naps... Went for supper at Geylang... So many things... These few days are just so wonderful... There'll be some more of these... In about a weeks time... But soon school will start again... And my results will be out.. 14th... life will change... His results will be out.. 21st... Life's gonna change again...

How can I move on... I need to get a hold of myself.. I know I should... I should be independent.. I should know that.. life doesn't revolves just around him... And it's true... It's not just about him... I need to do my own things... Need to differentiate that... There are times.. I should spend by myself... I should pamper myself... I should love myself more than I love him... Do things for myself instead... I should have CHARACTER... To not be too bothered about the things he says... Instead make him be bothered about the things I said... Someone please help me... I really hope to hear from all u friends.. Your views.. On anything... I'm lost... I feel so lost without him...

~AuRo`Na~
Sunday, December 12, 2004